Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
