is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
