dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
