You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
