it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
