final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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