im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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