well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
