Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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