my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
