1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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