Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
