Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
