Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
