i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
