my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
