I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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