I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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