So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
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