I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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