So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
