new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.