I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery