So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located