I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
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oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
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He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me