i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
