ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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