You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.