You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
you never un-have a 4some
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?