I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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