note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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