Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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