guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
be right there i have to get my cape
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
