I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
