I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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