I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
