The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We're too hungover to prance.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
