A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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