I'm eating all of the evidence.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
