Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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