Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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