Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
