ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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