He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
