Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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