Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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