he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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