You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
