I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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