She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
