i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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