he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We need to rekindle our bromance
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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