imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
