Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
