Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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