I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
