He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
two words: eviction party
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
