I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
