I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you will always have a special place in my vag
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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