Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
