why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
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He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
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Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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