Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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