OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
