Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
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Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
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dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize