I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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