i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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