just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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