its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Found the puke drawer
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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