Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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