That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
