marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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