That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
third nipple confirmed
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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