I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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