Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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