im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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