NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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