My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
