My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
