i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
